look no pants
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
