I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize
