he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
