Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
