just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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