You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
