getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We left an ass print on the piano.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
