I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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