he thought i was a dude.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
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no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
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Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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