I showed him my bush... on skype.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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