I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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