so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I need a burrito and a hug.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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