ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
