Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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