So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
