That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
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A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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