we should wear snuggies to the strip club
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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