First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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