dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize