ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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