the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize