as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
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Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
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Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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