yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
