dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
