Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
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