YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I touched a dick in church today
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.