oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...