if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order