Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma