I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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