allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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