My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
