R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
