what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
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