Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
