he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
splinters make it hard to masturbate
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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