3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.