Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
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So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
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she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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