I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
