in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
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He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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