I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Drunk is not a location!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
