dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
