Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
