god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
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from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
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They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Also fuck yeah conspiracy