You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.