The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party