Cold hands, warm shart.
My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
