I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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