I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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