WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
