he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
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Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
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Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?