OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.