Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Farmville is her only friend.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.