I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.