TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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