Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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