that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
