Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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