Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
